Essays by Rosalind Warren

 

Even Superwoman Can Have Back Problems

My Face is Stuck in the ‘70s

Happy to be Me, Boomers in Spandex Say

My Night with Leonard Cohen

Old Dog/Expensive Surgery

At Ease With A Body Fighting Gravity

A Quiet Meal, Polluted By Noise

Egypt: The Musical

Let Me Tell You
What’s Wrong With Me

I’m Not Getting Any Better

First Class Flight

Worst. Concert. Ever.

Music and the Lesson of Love

Love, Infidelity and Facebook

In Praise of Bad Girls

Talk to your Doctor about Joining club Meds

Karma Chameleon

Looking for a New Man or a New Dog

Suddenly Single at 60

The Boyfriend Equation

Nothing Cures Like Time and Love

Are You Thinking About Your Memory? Aren’t We All!

Your Cheating Heart - How Did I Find Out?

Help! I’m Politically Divided from my Massage Therapist

Should I tell? What Would You Do?

After the Love is Gone

Is There an App for Looking up and Noticing Life

Please Don’t Pass the Salt

New Erotic Ebook Accessory Creates a Buzz

Cell Phone Irritation - Echolalia

My Publicity as a Write –
That’s Show Business

The Safest Seat on a Plane

Free to be You and me

Men in Trees

In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle, the Giraffes Hum Tonight

Is This Seat Taken?

Christmas Songs we Love to Hate

I Hear the Ticking of the Death Clock

When Should Christmas Lights Come Down?

My Dr. Who Shirt is Bigger on the Inside

The Awful Very Bad No Good Sentence

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Who’s Watching You on the Web?

Sixty isn’t What it Used to Be

So Much for Magazines

Fun with Telemarketers

What is Cataract Surgery Actually Like?

The Ultimate Cataract Surgery Mixtape

It’s an Airplane, Not a Shul

A Tale of Three Titties

Every Step You Take,
Every Toe Your Break

Forever Four-Eyes

What’s That Smell?

Freeze! It’s the Library Police!

Flyers Beware - It Could Get Turbulent

Do You Love Bugs? They’re Crazy about Me!

I’m Comfortable in my Own Groove

How to Break Your Toe in One Easy Step

Prosopagnosia! I’m Face Blind.
Who the Hell are You
?

Senior Stealth Stretches

OMG! TMP!

Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s… Marcel Proust!

If you can’t Trust your Plumber, who can you Trust?

Don’t Even Think about Stealing this Essay

Undermining “Underpants Man,”
the Tony Matelli Statue

You’re Probably Wondering About My Nose

Radical Middle-Aged Cake Acceptance:
A Modest Proposal

The Beatles. 1966. Detroit’s Olympia Stadium. I was there.

Repair is Beyond Me

Go Fork Yourself

You Call This Cold? Hah! This isn’t Cold

At 59, What’s a Cheap Thrill?

Soylent. It’s Not Just for
Breakfast Anymore

My Resolutions for YOU
in 2014

If Paul Walker had Obeyed
the Speed Limit, He’s be Alive Today

Zen and the Art of Enjoying the Last Laugh

War and Peas

Wrong about Sex, from JD Salinger to Miley Cyrus

Detroit, I’m Emotionally
Invested

Holiday on Ice!

It’s a Different World
when you Walk with a Cane

An Introvert on the Today Show

Fun with Boomer Barbie

IF THE SHOE FITS

Dance the Smart Phone
Tango Without Me

My Eternal Life in Cyberspace

You Never Forget Your First

Do I Have to Move to California?

This Train is Bound for Paoli

Call Me

The Bad Haircut Blues

Dog Blog

Bible Stories for Atheist Babysitters

Random Acts of Excruciating Annoyance

I’m Terry Gross and
This Is (Bleep) “Fresh Air”

Happiness is a Garbage Truck

You are Not Cute and This is Not Funny: Blogging for the New York Times

Valentine’s Day: Say It With Chickens

Divorced Person's Thanksgiving

It's Tough To Love A Smoker

Selling A Wedding Ring

You’re Gay? I’m Not Surprised.
But Thanks For Telling Me.

I Recycled My Husband

THIS IS MY QUEST,
TO FOLLOW THAT STAR

IF THIS IS EILEEN FISHER,
I MUST BE EXTRA SMALL

Random Acts of Extraordinary Annoyance

Singing the Germs Away

How To Know If Ducks Are Unhappy:
One Writers Google Analytics Adventure

If You Are What You Eat
Then I Am A Cheerio

The Tipping Point

My Son Just Got Married. You Have A Problem With That?

First Class for the First Time -- Yippee!

WHEN BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE

You Will Grow Up To Be A Lion Tamer

SMILE, YOU'RE ON SURVEILLANCE CAMERA

I'm An Atheist Who Nurtures
Orthodox Jewish Kids

Turbulence

Death Comes for Fluffy the Cat

Fat Chance

Will Write for Crabcakes

I Googled Myself and
Learned I was Dead

The Psychoanalysts Daughter

Missing the Funeral

Pretty in Pink

You Have The Obligation
To Remain Silent

Life, Liberty and the
Pursuit of a Prom Date

Need A Good Read?
Independent is Best!

Waiting for test results

Why I Don't Bag My Groceries

Dogs in Tuxes

"Game Time" Don't Call it
Trivial Pursuit

Don't Call Him a Shooter.
Call Him a Schmuck

A Resolution for 2011: Know Your Money

The Surprised Bride

OMG! It's Terry Gross

Adventures in Frugality --
My Five Dollar Haircut

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Guess Where I Am

Snore Wars

all drawings by Nina Paley www.ninapaley.com

HOME  |  ESSAYS  |  HUMOR  |  REVIEWS  |  PROFILES  |  FICTION  |  LIBRARY WORK  |  CONTACT

Order a signed copy of

Our Bodies, Our Shelves:
A Collection of Library Humor