Essays by Rosalind Warren
Even Superwoman Can Have Back Problems
I Took All my Money out of the Stock Market and it Feels Amazing
Happy to be Me, Boomers in Spandex Say
At Ease With A Body Fighting Gravity
A Quiet Meal, Polluted By Noise
Let Me Tell You
What’s Wrong With Me
My New Year’s Resolution for 2019? To be More Like my Dog
Oy Vey! I’m teaching my Phone to Speak Yiddish
I took a Lyft from Brooklyn to Philadelphia
Flying Grandma: National Grandparents Day
You Have Something I don’t Have
Senior Men Won’t Date Senior Women
Absent Grandmother: Gone Never Forgotten
Weighing In – My Relationship
with a Scale
The Sweat-Drenched Woman’s Guide
Is it Time for Me to Stop Driving?
Some Day My Prince Will not Come...
Stunning News About Sex After 60
Whose Adventure are we Choosing Here?
That TV Show You Love so Much Doesn’t Make you Interesting
Talk to your Doctor about Joining club Meds
Looking for a New Man or a New Dog
Nothing Cures Like Time and Love
Are You Thinking About Your Memory? Aren’t We All!
Your Cheating Heart - How Did I Find Out?
Help! I’m Politically Divided from my Massage Therapist
Should I tell? What Would You Do?
Is There an App for Looking up and Noticing Life
New Erotic Ebook Accessory Creates a Buzz
Cell Phone Irritation - Echolalia
My Publicity as a Write –
That’s Show Business
In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle, the Giraffes Hum Tonight
Christmas Songs we Love to Hate
I Hear the Ticking of the Death Clock
When Should Christmas Lights Come Down?
My Dr. Who Shirt is Bigger on the Inside
The Awful Very Bad No Good Sentence
What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?
Who’s Watching You on the Web?
Sixty isn’t What it Used to Be
What is Cataract Surgery Actually Like?
The Ultimate Cataract Surgery Mixtape
Every Step You Take,
Every Toe Your Break
Flyers Beware - It Could Get Turbulent
Do You Love Bugs? They’re Crazy about Me!
Undermining
“Underpants Man,”
the Tony Matelli Statue
You’re Probably Wondering
About My Nose
Radical Middle-Aged
Cake Acceptance:
A Modest Proposal
The Beatles. 1966. Detroit’s Olympia Stadium. I was there.
You Call This Cold?
Hah! This isn’t Cold
I’m Comfortable in my Own Groove
How to Break Your Toe in One Easy Step
Prosopagnosia! I’m Face Blind.
Who the Hell are You?
Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s… Marcel Proust!
If you can’t Trust your Plumber, who can you Trust?
Don’t Even Think about Stealing this Essay
Soylent. It’s Not Just for
Breakfast Anymore
My Resolutions for YOU
in 2014
If Paul Walker had Obeyed
the Speed Limit, He’s be Alive Today
Zen and the Art of Enjoying the Last Laugh
Wrong about Sex, from JD Salinger to Miley Cyrus
Detroit, I’m Emotionally
Invested
It’s a Different World
when you Walk with a Cane
An Introvert on the Today Show
Dance the Smart Phone
Tango Without Me
Bible Stories for Atheist Babysitters
Random Acts of Excruciating Annoyance
I’m Terry Gross and
This Is (Bleep) “Fresh Air”
You are Not Cute and This is Not Funny: Blogging for the New York Times
Valentine’s Day: Say It With Chickens
Divorced Person's Thanksgiving
You’re Gay? I’m Not Surprised.
But Thanks For Telling Me.
THIS IS MY QUEST,
TO FOLLOW THAT STAR
IF THIS IS EILEEN FISHER,
I MUST BE EXTRA SMALL
Random Acts of Extraordinary Annoyance
How To Know If Ducks Are Unhappy:
One Writers Google Analytics Adventure
If You Are What You Eat
Then I Am A Cheerio
My Son Just Got Married. You Have A Problem With That?
First Class for the First Time -- Yippee!
WHEN BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE
You Will Grow Up To Be A Lion Tamer
SMILE, YOU'RE ON SURVEILLANCE CAMERA
I'm An Atheist Who Nurtures
Orthodox Jewish Kids
Death Comes for Fluffy the Cat
I Googled Myself and
Learned I was Dead
You Have The Obligation
To Remain Silent
Life, Liberty and the
Pursuit of a Prom Date
Need A Good Read?
Independent is Best!
"Game Time" Don't Call it
Trivial Pursuit
Don't Call Him a Shooter.
Call Him a Schmuck
A Resolution for 2011: Know Your Money
Adventures in Frugality --
My Five Dollar Haircut
all drawings by Nina Paley www.ninapaley.com
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Our Bodies, Our Shelves:
A Collection of Library Humor